Q: Wow, you are REALLY good! Where did you study painting?

A: Stop making fun of me. I obviously taught myself how to paint by painting over and over and over and now I can sometimes pull off some decent likenesses and make something that passes as art. But no matter how hard I try, it always looks kind of creepy, which I like. 

Q: Why are you so obsessed with being cool?

A: I'm actually not. 

Q: What if I have the perfect idea of how I want something to look and I just want you to paint it?

A: That's great. Let's go. You have to send me the images and from that I can make something creepy. 

But if I don't like your idea because it's too boring or mean, I might tell you IDWTIDLI*. Probably, though, I'll suggest something like your idea but better and hopefully you'll like it too and want to pay me to make it. 

*I don't want to. I don't like it.

Q: What's your process?

Q: What do you like to paint?

A: When I come across creepy shit, I save it and print it and paint it. Or I dream things and create images from that. I work from reference images, mostly. Sometimes I make giant weird collages and just riff on them. I'm so bad it often takes on a new direction beyond my control -- but that can be a good thing. 

A: I love painting animals. I also enjoy interpreting events or images I find disturbing. Usually I paint portraits for weddings and birthdays and baby showers. Most things I give away. This is my first time really charging for work.